[there's a lot going on] outside this box

7:57AM

you are now aware of your breathing...

...gotcha

12:01PM - its almost my bedtime

i just spent the last four hours fishing for every livejournal entry i've ever posted since 2003, in the hopes of cataloging it, and having it for future use without a need of the internet...

at least i didnt like, waste a whole morning or anything...

quote: ...

...

the thought has crossed my mind that quotes, when associated with anything else and meant to imply similarities between the quote and another related topic, is most often used to take the credibility of the person being quoted and imply that "he said it too"...like if i made a post about my disapproval of michigan government raising taxes, then quoted einsteins famous quote: "the hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax", its my way of saying "see! einstein said it too an he was teh smarts!!!"

its similar to catch-phrases...people use catch-phrases like: "if its got tits or wheels it'll give you problems", or "children are our future"...they often start out with a "you know what i always say: **insert wisecrack here**", vague generalizations that sound like wise words to live by, but are often used by people who are trying to sell you something...

e.g.:

quote: the quoting of an aphorism, like the angry barking of a dog or the smell of overcooked broccoli, rarely indicates that something helpful is about to happen. ~lemony snicket

meh...

4:45PM

its been an entire year since my last entry...feels like MUCH longer...

im here because im putting together a list of 100 things that entertain me...a.k.a. 100 reasons to live...

im reading some of my older posts, and i feel like a different person from the teajae 1 year ago...

then again, my last post prior to this one is searching for a meaning to life, and here i am once again literally putting together a 'happy list', trying to get the most out of life...

maybe im just less cocky, or more interested in myself than making jokes for others to laugh at...

but i do like being cocky, (its on my list, i'll have you know)...but perhaps ive gone dormant after being so reclusive...i dont have the audience i used to...

or perhaps im currently clinically depressed...i havent ruled that out just yet...

cant say for sure which teajae i like better...

ah well...



yeah, totally different person...

Quote: Attention Lunatic Atheists and their lawyers: Anti-God is Anti-American, Anti-American is treason, treason leads to civil war.
-Rev. E. F. Briggs

4:06AM - wrote this in myspace, and i felt that it fit better here...

years ago when i was 17 i had a falling out, i wont go into details but those events led me to question lots of things...eventually i got to the question that everyone asks: "why are we here?"

i asked a lot of friends and acquaintances, and got a lot of "to be happy" and "happiness"...i didnt like the answer, but it still got me to think, "is this why we live? is what people strive and toil for daily?" the first thing you have to do to be happy is just BE HAPPY, end of story...i know its not that easy sometimes, but no one can keep you from being happy but yourself...likewise, nothing external can ever make you happy but you...

that answer wasnt good enough...i was persistent, i HAD to know THEE goal in life, then the means of achieving it...i started to analyze everything, looking for answers...

which is where i learned to detest the idea of movies, music, drugs, video games, etc...let me explain why im sounding like such a heretic right now...

its not that i dont like to be entertained or have a good time, i dont know anyone who doesnt like any kind of movie, or any genre of music, and for the record i like all of the above(yes, im a video game lush), but i hate them because they are what i called "an escape from reality", i was looking for the meaning of life for christ sakes, and as we are given a finite amount of time to live life, certainly escaping from our life, forgetting completely who we are and even that we exist, by doing things like watching weekend at bernies or playing tekken tag, could NOT be productive to living life, seeing as how they are, in and of themselves, an escape FROM life!

but for sake of arguement, lets say that the goal of life is to hold on to the most happiness you can for as long as you can...not a very noble or exciting cause, but lets pretend...because i just read this, an excerpt from USA today entitled: Psychologists now know what makes people happy...

Life satisfaction occurs most often when people are engaged in absorbing activities that cause them to forget themselves, lose track of time and stop worrying.

By Marilyn Elias, USA TODAY

you know that feeling get, when all of the muscles in your head go dead because your brain has no idea how to get your face to express 437 emotions at once? yeah...thats the feeling i got...

the very thing ive been damning from the start, my mediums for "escaping from reality" in fact might just be the most useful tool for achieving 'the most' out of life...

i feel like i just got branded on the ass with the words "bitter irony"

someone please tell me this isnt it? that there's more to life than forgetting it for as long as you can?

ugh, i cant deal with this...if anyone needs me, i'll be playing ninja gaiden...

2:43AM

my favorite.advertisement.ever.

the look of terror on a childs face always wins me over, you should get it for me for my birthday...

for anyone wondering, its an ad for condoms...

this one is great too:




what can i say, ive got a soft spot for kids...thats why i can headbutt them so often...

these were not LJ cut because i question your ability to gauge potential amounts of awesome...so i have made your decision for you....you may now choose to go about your day as planned, or just go to bed knowing you've already lived the best part of it...

4:49AM - see what goes on in my head when i do something as simple as fart?

Eggs are the ultimate man-food…

The white is pure protein, to ensure good muscle maintenance and strong muscle growth…to eat it is to show in the highest regard that strength, power, these are the important traits in a man, reminding us that strength conquers all…

The yellow is pure cholesterol, to ensure a short life and painful death…to eat it is to show in the highest regard that a long life, one that lives on into a weak and withered age is not manly, once again reminding us that strength conquers all…

The egg itself tastes like farts, ensuring a mouthful of skunk stench while eating, and plenty of shit-scented eye burning gales thereafter…to eat it is to show in the highest regard the respect for any woman a man would remotely call his girlfriend…the level of respect is actually directly proportional to the strength of the fart and the strength of ones breath…

Strength conquers ALL….

Eggs are the ultimate man-food…

-teajae burak

5:13PM - got a little out of hand putting up an away message

SH-SH-SH-SHOWER TIME

If you would like to fantasize about me(Teajae Burak) naked in the shower, you may not do so without my(Teajae Burak) expressed written consent. To obtain such consent, notify me(Teajae Burak) and I(Teajae Burak) will fax you a fair-use contract within 48 hours of the time of your submitted request. Which is to be signed, dated and paid for in full before the payment deadline arrives.

Completing these modest steps will allow you to use or withold at your own discretion the copywritten and trademarked mental images of my(Teajae Burak) chest, arms, face, legs, buttocks and genetalia for personal purposes only. Thank you, and I(Teajae Burak) hope you all have an enjoyable orgasm.

-Teajae Burak(Teajae Burak)

6:26AM - like...you dont even know...

like, i dont think you understand how bad it really is...

you dont know what its like...all the shit ive been through...

i dont even think you get it...

...

no, i get it, you're a whiny, self-centered bitch who exaggerates her problems to make yourself look like a victim...

no, really, I DO KNOW...i wont give you the attention you feel you deserve for not accepting the trials of life...so you're spouting off these sensational filler phrases like "you dont understand", to get me to say things like: "oh god! honey! im so sorry for you! it must be awful!"...

and the truly sad part of it is, these immense and innumberable problems you're having? are problems experienced by everyone, everywhere...you'd be pretty hard-pressed to come up with a problem that no one has ever experienced in the history of man to be able to have the gull to spit the words: "you dont know what its like" to any other person...

i mean, its like spitting in the face of the person who WANTS to empathize with you, when you tell them "because i dont like my job, im feeling way worse than you have ever felt or can even comprehend"...

im not talking about anyone in particular...and though a few people come to mind, dont think of this as a pissed-off rant, so much as a self-help article, or maybe a much needed public service announcement...

i know its a bit hypocritical to bitch about how other people bitch too much...but ive really been hearing these phrases pop up a lot in common conversation...like, its bad...

...like, i dont even think you realize how bad it really is...

8:03AM

what the fuck is this shit?

you can now only go back 100 entries on your friends list?

ive been out of the loop for fucking ever, and the best i get is to go back 2 weeks?

thats bush...

here, have a picture:

in case you were wondering, this picture is the summation of everything i have been up to since anyone has last talked to me...

20 gigs in 6 and a half months...we're fucking crazy like that...

8:07AM

long story...but the gist of it is, computer parts and incompetent repairmen are the reason why my computer was gone for two weeks...

im back, bitches...

quote: in what scientists are calling "pretty gay", i cant find my shoes...
-xkcd.com

6:32AM - sliders...NOW!

fucking white castle...

so its me, marc and eric hanging out at erics place, watching harold and kumar go to white castle...because eric had never seen it before and its definitely worth a second run-through...but the part of the movie thats oddly sticking out in my mind right now is when kumar has an epiphany after(and because) he ate white castle...

eric was geeked about the movie and says "dude, wanna get some white castle?"

eh, sure its cheesy and dumb, but after watching the movie you're kinda in that stupid-funny mood, so i thought, 'what the hell, lets go to white castle'...

on the way there we're talking, the conversation is moving wherever the hell it wants, the way any good conversation does...it was mainly on how can we make a shitload of money by doing the things we're already interested in...the example eric used was our two friends katie and angela wanting to become fashion designers...

so while eric keeps talking, and i keep feeding my face, i let that thought marinate in my head for a bit...how they wanted to become fashion designers...but when i ask myself what i want to become, what my 'dream job' would be...i always come up empty handed...i think it may have something to do with the the word 'become'...to become SOMETHING, to be something greater than you already are...and i think thats what my problem is...

im too comfortable with myself, ive spent so much time defining myself and building myself into the person i want to be, that i dont want anything to compromise that...

its not that i dont want to achieve anything, my desire for knowledge is greater than its ever been...im learning about nutrition, fitness, martial arts, music theory, computer programming, engineering, 2D and 3D design, and vocal training in my spare time...and i dont even fucking go to school!

and ironically, i dont like any of those subjects enough to devote my life to studying any of them...

i just dont want to be anything else other than teajae, if only someone could pay me to be teajae...

i think id be good at that...

fucking white castle...

quote: roldy! roldy! dude, you gotta come quick. There are these two filthy pussies just aching to get boned by us!...I mean...uuh...that there are these two lovely young pussies who would like to have a chat with you and i...
-kumar

6:00AM - save the baby-talk, bitch...its reality-check time...

lets review...

the pros and cons of pet ownership(essentially cats and dogs):

pros:
they're cute

cons:
not all of them are cute
buying them
they shit in the house
they vomit in the house
they piss in the house
they shit in the backyard
they shed, and it somehow gets to all of your clothes and sometimes food
they cost you money for their food
they require annual vaccinations
they lead to veterinary bills
they require registration, leashes, food dishes, toys, etc.
they can be quite loud, at any hour of the day or night
they need to be cleaned and groomed
they step on your nuts and dont give it a second thought
they have bad breath
they need daily exercise(walks, etc.)
they fight with other pets
they require spaying/nuetering, cuz if you dont:
the females go into heat(not cool)
they commonly eat their own shit
they cause property damage via destruction or exrement(shoes, sweaters, furniture, gardens)
they bite
they claw
they kill wildlife(squirrels and birds)
they trigger allergies in some people
they smell, and its never good, and somehow,
they smell worse when wet
their shit smells painfully bad
they beg for table-food
they commonly run away
they love getting into the trash
they freak right-the-fuck-out if you have company
they are good for accidentally tripping over or stepping on in the dark
they lick you, and you KNOW where their tongue has been
they catch fleas, ticks and/or lice
and generally only pay attention to you because you feed them...

and then they die...then what? over the entire life-span of the animal, was it really worth all of the money spent and shit you put up with?(pun totally intended)

think about it, if you own a pet, or at least know someone who does, do you/they spend more time enjoying the pets company? or more time yelling at it to calm down or stop begging or cleaning up after it?...thanks, but i prefer human company...

the only thing i loathe more than pets are pet owners...this includes a large percentage of people, including a few of my friends who may be reading this...so let me tell you: while i can deal with it, i still hold it against you...if you like keeping a pet, thats fine, its your business...but the day that i consciously say to myself that i want to continuously shell out big bucks for a four legged monster to shit in my room, wreck my belongings and just generally get in the way; if you're a real friend, you'll slap the shit out of me...or tell me to get a girlfriend...(BA-ZING!)

you dont own your pet, your pet owns you...you've been made the real 'bitch'...

quote: pet ownership is an abysmal situation brought about by human manipulation.
-ingrid newkirk, president, PETA, washingtonian, august 1986

for once, i agree with peta...

3:21AM

quote: Who? Who is but the form following the function of what... and what I am is a man in a mask...I'm not questioning your powers of observation, I'm merely remarking on the paradox of asking a masked man who he is.
-v.

3:37AM - fuck pants

and probably NSFW...

quote: nature knows no indecencies, man invents them...
-mark twain

8:13AM - i want it...

can anyone think of a practical use for this?



im dying to use it...

Click here for more info on Aerogel

12:53AM - fuck pants

i am one lazy sonofabitch...

all i can think about lately is taking simple, routine tasks and making a huge project out of them, in order to make it ridiculously easy...like, hotpocket easy...

right now im working on a computer program that tells you what to eat everyday for the rest of your life, ensuring that you get the perfect amount of macro and micronutrients every day...based on your age, sex, and BMI...and im nearly finished...

just because i dont like cooking...or caring about guessing what foods to buy...or HAVING to take the time to eat, really...(im that damn lazy)...i figure, let the computer do the work...but really its more like: lets do more work trying to get out of this than it would actually take to do this work...

it reminds me of high school...

but, back to the reason why im posting this...i need your help, i dont want to make my bed anymore, ever...not that i do now,(again, amazingly lazy)...but an unkept bed is an eyesore compared to a neat and ready-made one...but i dont feel like doing ANY-FUCKING-THING when i wake up, much less doing anything that could be remotely called 'work'...in fact, getting dressed might just be the worst part of my day...here is a venn diagram to further illustrate my point:


so at first i thought maybe a simple pulley and rope system could be used...just loops or knots at the four corners, and press a button to pull all of the corners of the sheets to their respective corner of the mattress...but no, no one wants to go to sleep with four potential nooses surrounding them...not to mention if it got tangled, it would take more work than making the bed...plus id imagine it would look like shit...

then i got the idea of magnets, magnets in the four corners, and switch on an electromagnet which would pull them to their corners...but no...the magnets would just get stuck to each other all night, and instead of getting to sleep, you're trying to work apart two big assed magnets...plus there's nothing saying that all of the magnets wont shoot to one corner of the bed, meaning you'd have to line up each corner of the sheet with each corner of the bed, essentially making your bed yourself(GASP!)...plus the issue of keeping the magnets padded so you dont get hurt...and too many other things to go wrong with this to try and make it work...

sheets filled with magnetic fluid crossed my mind, but it could never work...its expensive as hell unless you make your own, and magnetic fields are never straight across...they're usually always bowed somehow, so it would never get your sheets straight...plus, magnetic fluid would turn your comforter into basically a sheet of iron the second a magnet touched it...so no...again...(off subject: i just thought of a really cool way for someone to die in a horror movie)

and this is where i need your help, think of a plan so that mankind will never have to make any bed ever again...or at least think of one for me...im thinking theres some potential in compressed air, but i cant put my finger on it...what do you think?

quote: its only work if someone makes you do it...
-calvin and hobbes

10:44PM - you know you are...

thanks amy...haha...

quote: a good artist borrows, a great artist steals...
-pablo picasso

3:09AM

discuss

quote: i was born into a world you may not understand
-meme

1:14AM - laws of logic, blood spatter, and fox 2 news fame...

Nothing is better than eternal happiness...
Having one cigarette is better than nothing...
Therefore, having a cigarette is better than eternal happiness...

its simple logic, you cant argue...

in other news...i cut myself yesterday...emos can put away your erections...it was my finger...i would have posted about it yesterday, but its a little hard to type with a foot of gauze around your left index finger...i was at work, exausted, and cutting dough...i missed and ripped right into my finger with a serrated blade, leaving a flap (or gill) about 1 inch deep in my finger...my immediate reaction was to put the finger in my mouth(maybe thats where i fucked up)...whatever, i like the taste...my boss asked me 'is it bad?', 'yep' i said...i thought i was exaggerating...so he ran next door to get band-aids...while i took it over to the sink and ran water on it(maybe thats where i fucked up)...my boss was gone awhile so i watched as my blood mixed with the running water, with kind of the same curiosity you have when you pick a scab...it seemed very routine and normal at the time...just a cut on the finger...running it in the water to clean it, or something...i held my arm above my head remembering that its harder for blood to pump up...and a little because i wanted to see the blood trickle down my hand(maybe thats where i fucked up), i just thought it looked cool...like i said, i was in a curious, even playful mood...once the blood ran down to my elbow(which took about 5-6 seconds) i took a rag and wiped it off and went back to keeping it under the water...the water was a consistant pink as it just splashed around in the kitchen sink...by then my boss had come back with gauze, bitching about how the party store didnt have band-aids...when i turned around i felt a little weird, like when you stand up too fast, or pull yourself out of a daydream...i didnt pay too much attention to it...then, about 2 seconds later as im getting my finger wrapped, it happens again...only this time my vision is blurred and i have the sudden urge to become one with the floor...im teetering on my feet thinking to myself "how in the fuck?"...im trying to stay calm, but aware...just in case i passed out, i said to my boss that i was light headed, an understatement...my speech was slurring, my vision was blurred, and i could hardly stand...it felt like he couldnt have wrapped my finger any slower...i mentioned again that i was feeling dizzy, and before he cut the tape i flopped down onto a nearby stool, panting for air...i hold my hand above my head and look around...somehow theres blood spatter on the floor, drops all around the sink, and plenty of pink water still floating in the dishtub...there are beads of sweat running down my cheeks and forehead, and im still looking at my finger and thinking to myself "how in the fuck?" soon after my boss tells me to chug a cup of sugar water...which was so obvious im kind of pissed that he thought of it before i did...

and all of this started because i wasnt paying attention cutting dough...(maybe thats where i fucked up)...

what still boggles my fucking mind is how its possible to lose that much blood from a cut on your finger...sure its kind of deep, and i was running water on it which probably prevented it from scabbing up, but the finger is an extremity! probably the one part of the body that sees the least amount of blood! the only thing i can think of to justify this is if high blood pressure and low blood sugar played a part also...

in other news (and if you're still with me)

i was on the news today...

the fox 2 problem solvers van pulls into our parking lot, and im thinking "fucking great"...so a familiar face with a microphone and a cameraman are walking towards the shop, my boss is yelling "you're gonna talk to them! i cant speak englich for chit!"...so they come in and the tall guy with the mic introduced himself as fox 2's ron savage, and wants to know if he can talk to us about our opinion regarding somebody passing a bill to raise minimum wage...i didnt have an opinion, and after watching the short interview they shot of me talking about it, it was clear that i was trying too hard to care...

and in conclusion, this is my really long post filled with actually interesting events that no one will read because its too long...

quote: Nothing is better than eternal happiness...
Having one cigarette is better than nothing...
Therefore, having a cigarette is better than eternal happiness...
-teajae

it gets better every time i hear it...

11:50PM

that is all

quote: sex is like air, its not really that important until you're not getting any...
-t-shirt